Task list for Pope

A proposal for the programme of the papal visit in Britain, September 2010, as devised by the superbly diplomatic staff at the British Foreign Office:

• Open an abortion clinic


• Bless a gay marriage


• Launch a Benedict-branded condom range


• Sing a song with the Queen for charity


• Apologise for the Spanish Armada

It all makes perfect sense, except for the part about Spanish Armada. I should think the Foreign Office ought to know that Papa Ratzi was born German, not Spanish. Why did they not come up with any Führer jokes, just to fine-tune their diplomatic feat to perfection?